Gnomes and Relevations
by Quite Rightly
Summary: dialogue fic. A convo sprouts between Sirius and Remus. Hiliarity insues. VERRRRY Random. Nine inch nails, and gnomes in pants. where else can you find this? WolfStar. oneshot PG13


**Diclaimer:** The other day... JKR Came over to my house and signed over every harry potter character i wanted.. I gladly too them all and then drowned Ginny in a lake, and i was just about to dismember her dead body, when a terrible thing happened. I woke up. Damn that was a good dream. I **STILL** do not own Harry potter.. damnit.

>>>>>>>>

"hey moony!"

"Hey"

"Whatcha doing?"

"Transfiguration homework."

"oh."

"…"

"why?"

"Because it needs to be done."

"… but it's not due till next Wednesday."

"better now than then."

" but it's Friday!"

"so….."

"Friday's date night!"

"and…. Unlike you.. I don't have women ogling all over me every waking hour of the day…"

"HOLY SHIT! YOU LIKE WOMEN?"

"What do you mean "I like women?" men are _supposed_ to like women"

"but.. But I… you… You're not gay?"

"…"

"Do you like gnomes?"

"What ?"

"Gnomes… Do you like them?"

"What the hell? First you ask me if I'm gay.. Then out of nowhere you ask me about _gnomes? _Sirius.. Are you okay?"

"yes.. JUST ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!"

"Okay okay… I like gnomes… I guess.."

"thank you."

"What was the relevance of that?"

"just curious I guess…"

"Hey.. Since tonight's date night… why aren't you out with someone? Mr. 'I'm so Sexy'…"

"I don't know… just lucky I guess…."

"oookay…"

"…"

"…"

"Hey pig!"

"Humph! Don't call me that…"

"Sorry.. It's just a song.."

"oh.. Okay."

"yeah.. When I said that you were supposed to say.. 'yeah you!' "

"okay.."

"hey pig."

"yeah you."

"hey pig piggy pig pig pig…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"your turn.."

"oh.. Um… YOU LET ME YOU DO THIS TO YOU!"

"what the-- okay...I WANNA F--… um nevermind."

"what?"

"I was gonna say. 'I wanna fuck you like an animal' but that would sound quite odd."

"too right."

"…"

"Sirius…"

"yeah.."

"is that your hand on my knee ?"

"where?"

"on the knee.."

"oh yeah.. That's me."

"can you please take it off?"

"Why?"

"It feels really--- are you moving it up?"

"yes."

"ookay.. Like I was saying.. It feels really-- ooh.. Oh… WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Jacking you off.."

"Sirius.. Don't."

"Why?"

"please"

"Fine.. Fine.. I'll stop."

"Thank you."

"…"

"…"

"RAWH! IT'S SO GODDAMN QUIET!"

"All the better to study with my dear…"

"that was so very appropriate.."

"what? Oh.. yeah."

"yeah…"

"…"

"…"

"Sirius have you noticed the tension?"

"what tension?"

"…"

"…"

"_that _tension"

"oh yeah.. It's weird isn't it?"

"yeah… I wonder why we are so uncomfortable with each other.. It's not normal…"

"Well.. I just learned something new about you today that just flat-out freaked me out…"

"Sirius.. Will you drop it? Oor.. Hey.. Is there something you need to tell me?"

"what do you mean?"

"you like me don't you…"

"um…no… of course not.. You're not gay.."

"you do.. You like me!"

"was it that obvious?

"yeah it was pretty obvious.."

"So…"

"so what?"

"you don't hate me?"

"no.. of course I don't hate you!"

"but you don't like me either.."

"I didn't say that.."

"but you meant it."

"Sirius…"

"So you DO like me.. I thought you weren't gay!"

"Sirius!"

"YAY! You like me!"

"SIRIUS!"

"what?"

"No, I don't like you… not like that.. But I accept you. Do you get it?"

"yeah.. I guess… "

"what's that?"

"oh bugger.."

"is that a.. gnome?"

"maybe.."

"Why did you have a gnome in your pants?"

"I was going to give it to you… when I asked you out…"

"you were gonna.. Oh bugger.."

"that's right…"

"I'm sorry Sirius…"

"s'alright"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Sirius.."

"yeah.."

"you have something on your face…"

"I do?"

"yeah.."

" and you just notice it now?"

"…"

"where is it?"

"there"

"here?"

"no there.."

"here?"

"no.. Arug.. Let me get it…."

"okay."

"AHHHhhhghahhhgvfdv"

"ow…"

"ow.."

"Moony… you fell over the table.."

"hello captain obvious."

"it was 3 feet high."

"don't rub it in.."

"you were sitting."

"shut up."

"make me.."

"ARUGH!"

"ahh mercy, mercy.. I give.. U-aaah..um..okay…"

"that was awkward.."

"yes it was."

"I thought you weren't gay…."

"let's do that again.. J-just to make sure.."

"…only this time with out the punching, and the bleeding."

"beggars can't be choosers."

"it was YOU that wanted to do it again…"

"shut up and kiss me."

"muhhhmphhhmmhm"

"…"

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I'm so straight anymore."


End file.
